14 Of The Cruelest Lies Our Parents Told Us

14. "The Dog Went To Live On A Farm."

This one isn't actually that cruel as lies go, because it saved our innocence for a few more years. In fairness, I did not need to think about the finality of death when I was 5 years old.

 

13. "Eating Carrots Can Help You See In The Dark."

Again I can see the benefits of this lie because it helps to get kids to eat healthy, but there was definitely better ways of doing this than getting my hopes up about getting a super power.

 

12. "If You Cross Your Eyes They'll Get Stuck Like That."

Okay so I accept that making stupid faces when I was younger was pretty cheeky at times, but it wasn't doing anybody any harm most of the time, and there was no need to scare me like that.

 

11. "You Have To Wait An Hour After Eating Before Going For A Swim."

While this is actually a good rule to follow for any exercise as an adult, when I was a kid, I could eat a slice of birthday cake while jumping on a bouncy castle. The digestive system of a child was pretty robust, and why it only specifically mentioned swimming didn't really make much sense.

 

10. "Cracking Your Knuckles Will Give You Arthritis."

Some guy was so annoyed by this myth that he cracked the knuckles in his left hand twice a day for 60 years to see if there was any negative effects. Donald Unger, who lives in California, noticed absolutely no difference. And of course there's other more substantial evidence to back up his conclusion.

 

9. "If You Don't Clean Behind Your Ears Potatoes Will Start To Grow."

I actually thought this would be pretty cool if you could have an unlimited supply of potatoes behind your ears, but I accept that most people might not feel the same way about it.

 

8. "The Tooth Fairy Was Too Busy To Give You Money Last Night."

No she wasn't, you just forgot. Give me money and stop blaming and innocent fairy!

 

7. "Bold Children Get A Sack Of Coal For Christmas."

This was obviously an incentive to get you to behave on the lead up to Christmas, but getting a child a sack of coal for Christmas would just be so emotionally devastating, especially when all of their friends got a GameBoy. I don't care how bold they were, no parent was ever going to follow through with this one.

 

6. "If You Sit Too Close To The TV Your Eyes Will Turn Square."

I think most people watched too much TV when they were a kid. Actually most people watch too much TV regardless of how old they are. But while everyone should be outside more, how close you sit to the screen doesn't really have any effect, and threatening us with square eyes is just cruel.

 

5. "That Drawing Is Really Good!"

No it isn't. The colouring isn't even inside the lines, and it doesn't even look like a dog... There's a chance I'm being a little harsh with this one...

 

4. "It's Not Going To Hurt, I Promise."

Every trip to the doctor's was preceded by this promise of no harm coming to you. Then the doctor whips out a gigantic needle and your whole world becomes a lie.

 

3. "Okay, I'm Leaving Without You."

To be fair, I've seen kids being so annoying in public places that they probably should be left behind. I've been that kid. Unfortunately, there's child protection laws against doing that sort of thing, regardless of how much they might deserve it.

 

2. "We'll See."

Translation: No. Never. Don't ask me again.

 

1. "I'll Only Be A Minute."

The single biggest lie you were told as a child. Left in the car for anything up to an hour while your one of your parents calls in to one of their friends' houses to give them something or to collect something else, catching up on the last five years of their life while they do it.