9 Stages Of A Pregnancy Scare

So its happened Again. You forgot your pill, threw up too many times from drinking, and/or forgot the condom in the throws of passion. Now you have to deal with the dire consequences:

Stage 1

Utter panic, you're late, a week late. That’s it your pregnant there’s no turning back from this hell. You work yourself into a frenzy of I'm completely fucked. "Should I tell him? My Ma's going to literally murder me, Off to the Magdalene laundries I go."

Stage 2

You convince yourself it's going to be grand. Soon you realize it's not. You ring your mates to come and console you as you are now with child. You want to confront him..

 

Stage 3

Drinking and smoking ensues. It's the only way to handle the stress and madness.

 

Stage 4

You start to think about how fun this might be.

 

Stage 5

You get freaked out.

Stage 6

You worry what will people say...

 

Stage 8

Calmer after the several shots of vodka you text the man who ruined you're life. His reply "But I pulled out?!" You worry will you be that girl on Jeremy Kyle?

 

Stage 9

Feeling pretty polluted you decide to bite the bullet and get one of the girls to go into Eurozone and buy 3 pregnancy tests.

Turns out you're not pregnant. Celebrations commence!