An Open Letter To The First Time Single Girl In Her 20's

Dear Recently Single Girl,

 

Most of us have experienced puppy love at some stage during our teen years, but the majority of these teenage romances cease by the time you hit 21. Finding yourself single in your 20's can be incredibly exciting as well confusing and lonesome. That umbrella which has always kept you dry has been blown away and now you must find your own shelter.

What you don't know yet, is that this process is what forces you grow up and shapes you into the person you'll be for the rest of your life.

 

First things first, and I will be honest with you, you will be okay. Breaking up with your teenage sweetheart is basically like throwing your everything you know out the window. But it is for the best, for both of you. What you may not realise yet is how many opportunities lie ahead of you and all the people you're going to meet along the way.

 

The future is intimidating, it's time to become a big girl and you have no idea what you're doing or what is going to happen. And this is completely normal.

 

Being alone can be awfully boring at times, and there's no doubt that you'll get lonely at one stage or another. But, being alone allows time to discover who you are. You have the opportunity to explore your own mind and experiment with your personality. This can be difficult to do after spending so much time with your significant other, and that's totally acceptable.

 

As much as you learn about love in your teens, it's overwhelming to now focus all that attention which was directed to your ex to solely on yourself.

 

As your heart begins to mend you'll begin to appreciate things you've never noticed before. Like being on a night out without having to check in with your other, or wearing what you always wanted to wear, criticism free. I'm not encouraging every girl should go out wearing a thong and nipple tassels, but damn if you want to wear those shorts shorts, than wear them and embrace your booty!

 

Build your confidence, take the time to know what makes you look good for your own confidence and not for the expectations of others.

 

Know this now, don't be impatient when it comes to finding love again. If you find someone who is great for you and makes you a better person than go for it! But don't settle for the next person who comes into your life. The last thing you need when you've starting working on yourself is to focus on someone else.

 

Embrace the fact that you are alone, for there's nothing wrong with it. Your 20's is your time to be selfish and do what you want with your life. So go out and explore the world and all the wonderful people in it. Take this time to learn about different cultures, listen to peoples stories and share yours.

 

You'll gain perspective on the world you live in, and how you want to contribute to it.

 

Trust your instincts. I don't know whether this is an animalistic or a spiritual thing, but always listen to your gut. That feeling tends to ignore everything else going on and knows what you truly want. If you have a good feeling about something, your gut will let you know.

 

As a fellow single girl, I feel I should warn you that you will discover that there are some dickheads out there. But realistically there are a lot of sweethearts too. It's important to not look at every guy who comes into your life as a possible Prince Charming, but just as a normal human being.

 

Remember that guys are people who have their own ambitions and they're own ideas. They do not live to serve you just because they have a penis, as you do not live to make them sandwiches.

 

Dating is something that is hard not to do. We all crave attention from the opposite sex and the possibility of someone new and shiny is always thrilling. Sadly, we live in a hook-up culture and you need thick skin to survive it. But dating is good because you find out what you do or don't want in a partner.

 

Your heart may get damaged time after time, but the more time you focus on yourself and the more you get to know yourself the easier the recovery.

 

Like anybody else, you will find yourself going through hard times. This can be really hard to deal with if you've always had a boyfriend by your side. You need to start repositioning that trust you had onto your friends, who won't mind you crying on their shoulder. In turn you'll find yourself coming out the other side a much stronger individual, by taking the bad and turn it into the good.

 

You'll also find that you become your biggest supporter. The realisation that you are now completely on your own to follow your dreams and become successful is terrifying.  Starting any career can be intimidating, and you'll truly find out what to do with your life. You'll learn the difference between failing and giving up, which is humongous.

 

The most important thing is that you keep trying.  But you'll also learn how to pat yourself on the back and reward yourself.

 

Your growing independence and confidence is what makes you a strong young woman. Knowing what you want and having a strong believe system does not make you a bitch, it makes you a powerful individual. Never be ashamed of who you want to be or what you are, there is only one of you on this earth, so learn to love yourself.

 

It may sound soppy, but learning to love yourself is the best thing you can do. It makes you the most confident and content person you can be, even in the midst of the confusion, the excitement and the freedom of your 20's.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

The Girl Who Was Once You.