Relationships in college can be tricky. You've got classes, assignments, exams, maybe a part-time job, rent and bills to worry about. Then there's all the partying, making friends and hooking up. Sometimes it goes well and everything is balanced but that can only last for a little while. When things start going south in your relationship and you're not feeling the love anymore, it's very easy to blame the other person. But maybe it's you that's causing all the hassle. Have you considered it? Ask yourself these questions. Maybe by the end of this article you'll know if it's you that's screwing up your love life. Maybe you're the bad guy.
1) Do You Listen?
Do you know what's going on in your partner's life? The names of their friends and family members? Do you know when their exams are and what they might want for Christmas? Do you know what course they're doing and what career they'd like to pursue? Do you know their favourite movie/TV show/band/book? Do you engage? Being interested in your partner's life is paramount in a relationship. If you don't care about their lives, you don't really care about them.
2) Are You The Passenger In The Relationship?
As in you're never in the driver's seat. Do you let them call/email/text you first all the time? Is it always up to them to organise dates? Do you cancel plans when something better comes up? You probably ignore calls/emails/texts and don't bother returning them, am I right? While this might make you feel desired and loved and in control, this only makes your partner feel neglected and unwanted. Is that really how you want to make them feel? Are you a sadist?
3) Do You Manipulate Them?
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Do you guilt them into doing something that you know they really don't want to do? Are you withholding sex until you get your way? Sex isn't a weapon, it's a team sport. Are you constantly correcting and trying to change them instead of accepting them as they are? Do you keep things from them that you feel aren't any of their business? Are you extremely defensive when they call you out on it and turn the tables so it looks like they are the suspicious and insecure ones? Manipulation and guilt-tripping are duplicitous acts in a relationship. You should be able to be honest with the person you've committed to.
4) Are You Straying?
Have you begun to have feelings for another person and trying to convince yourself that the other person is a better fit than your current boy/girlfriend? Have you acted on your impulse while drunk and tried to use drink as an excuse, even though you were fully aware of what you were doing? Have you brought up this other person in a veiled attempt at making your boy/girlfriend jealous? All you seem to want is drama, drama, drama. Ain't nobody got time for that. Leave the drama to the TV and connect with your partner instead.
5) Are You Intentionally Mean?
Do you knowingly take teasing too far, but try to hide the criticism with sarcasm and a playful 'I'm just kidding'? Do you embarrass them in public in front of their friends? Maybe you bring up a story where they look like a fool, or had an accident. Maybe you even exaggerate stories that paint them in a bad light and make you out to be either the hero or the victim.
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6) Do You Bitch About Their Family/Friends?
Yeah, sometimes your boy/girlfriend's friends are super annoying, but you don't need to be so vocal about it. Do you constantly bitch about their friends and family? You honestly feel that they are shitty boring people and can't understand why your beau gets along with them. Maybe you even feel that your girl/boyfriend would be cooler and therefore more desirable if they dropped their friends. Which is just messed up. You shouldn't be able to control someone else's life. Go play the Sims you control freak.
7) Do You Keep Score?
Do you keep a mental note of all the things your partner did wrong to use against them at a later fight? That's not nice. Especially if you've already forgiven them for it. To forgive something means that it's done, you get a blank slate. It shouldn't be resurrected later on to get you out of a tough spot.
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8) Do You Want a Mind-Reader?
Do you expect your girl/boyfriend to just know what you want all the time? Do you then get totally frustrated when they buy you the wrong thing or pick the wrong film? You're not dating a wizard. If you want something, just ask for it. There's a better chance of you actually getting it that way.
9) Do You Care If You Break Up?
If you answered yes to this question and all of the above, then you're the one who has to change their outlook and try harder. If you answered no, then break up with them. Just do it. This relationship isn't doing anything for you and you're potentially emotionally damaging another human being so that you can get sex occasionally. It's despicable and unfair. Be a decent human being and maybe you'll both be happy.
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