Being pale skinned is an infliction that about 80% of Irish people have to deal with. Sadly, if an outsider were to walk around and was asked the guess this exact same percentage, the results would come back much, much lower. This is because pretty much all of the ladies out there insist on being so selfish for all of us lazy ones, by boosting the sales of Sally Hansen dramatically. In a country where being pale is so common, walking around as a proud pale person should be more encouraged. So for all of you pale ones and all of you not so pale ones, please read on for some pale problems and either understand exactly what I mean, or at least attempt to understand our daily struggles. We deserve that much, at the very least...
1) The Summer is not our friend.
2) The Sun is our arch nemesis.
3) We suspect that tanned people are never, ever natural.
4) We also kind of hate you.
5) Wearing sun cream is like wearing clothes. A necessity of life.
6) The thoughts of sitting on a beach induces a panic like nothing else.
7) Baring our legs is a terrifying prospect.
8) Therefore our summer fashion choices are somewhat limited.
9) Red skin is in for all of June, July and August.
10) Some people go brown in the sun. We freckle.
11) Finding a foundation that means our face matches our neck, is next to impossible.
12) If you don't wear tan, you're treated as suspicious.
13) We do not appreciate being called vampires.
14) Nor do we appreciate being told how white we are.
15) Do not tell us to go and get some sun.
16) Just because we are pale does not mean we are secretly ginger.
17) Standing in between two tanned friends makes you look like an Oreo.
18) Shopping for a bikini is an unforgettable, yet horrific ordeal.
19) When we blush. We REALLY blush. Also, pointing out how red we are, will not in any way help to diminish our redness. So stop that.
20) Expect tourists to stop and stare at your milky glow. Watch them appear transfixed as the sun is reflected back off it. You may also be subjected to a few photos.
21) Lastly, resist the urge to gloat at people who abuse their skin in the sun. Unless they insult you. For example. "You'll go blue first, you're that white." In that case, free free to ridicule the wrinkled old handbag sneering at you from the sun lounger.
